


Gar-Lick This Dangerous Vegetable

by linxxyboy



Series: The Stakeout(s) [2]
Category: Inside No. 9 (TV)
Genre: Gen, Inside No.9, Inside No.9 (S5 E6), Inside No.9 (The Stakeout)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:08:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23463706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linxxyboy/pseuds/linxxyboy
Summary: more vampire shenanigans with tommo and varney this time f.t garlic: what could go wrong?enjoy :D
Series: The Stakeout(s) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1683982
Kudos: 7





	Gar-Lick This Dangerous Vegetable

**Author's Note:**

> cause why have one story about vampire police when you could have a least two (although a third will be coming). please consider leaving some kudos if you read this lil drabble cause i'm still fairly new to ao3 and kudos are nice :D
> 
> anyways, have fun!

Admittedly, Tommo had definitely fucked up somewhere along the lines here. Well, it was arguably pretty clear where along the lines he’d fucked up, but he felt he was justified in his actions.

After all, who can just be told they can’t have garlic anymore and take that at face value?

Based on Varney’s reaction when he’d had that chicken tikka masala a night or so before he got turned, he knew when he bought the garlic at three in the morning that he’d be in for some shit.

But he’d also be feeling some sad Feelings™ about things that’d changed now he was a vampire. So of course, the only reasonable solution was to buy some garlic and cook a meal with it.

Tommo had mentioned his plans to Varney. Which went about as well as anyone would imagine:

“No you’re not.”

“I am.”

“You’re not.”

“I am.”

“If you do you are going to majorly regret it.”

“However, it will be delicious. And I’m not giving up sodding garlic just cos you can’t keep your fangs to yourself.”

“That is not a valid reason for deliberately making yourself ill.”

“S’not like you have to be there when I’m cooking it.”

“You’re right, because I won’t be. But I will undoubtedly have to deal with the aftermath.”

Looking back now, Varney was right throughout most of the conversation. Although Tommo was right about one thing. It was delicious. For at least two seconds.

Then he felt like every nerve was on fire and he might actually puke up any organs he’d ever possessed.

So that’s where he was now. Writhing in excruciating pain on his kitchen floor, the remains of the vegetable that had put him in this position sitting innocently on the chopping board.

He distantly heard his front door open and then close. A pause. And then:

“Oh fuck this.”

Then his door reopening and slamming shut behind the person.

Damn.

Luckily Varney was nice enough to not leave him there alone and hurting, even though he absolutely deserved it. Instead, he arrived back into the flat wearing a face mask and diligently disposed of the offending vegetable.

He then unceremoniously dragged Tommo by his legs into his living room and then draped him over the sofa, like a downbeat and depressed blanket with a midlife crisis.

Tommo watched through streaming eyes as Varney fiddled around with his DVD player and found himself wondering if a stake through the heart would have been preferable. The pros were certainly weighing up.

Varney then stopped fiddling and clicked some buttons on the remote, before moving back to the sofa and just sort of forcing his way onto a patch of it not taken up by Tommo.

“Wha-ou-doin?” Tommo slurred out.

“Figured we could watch Twilight.”

“-hy?”

Varney glanced over, eyebrow raised.

“Cos we get to mock the shit out of it and you’re in no state to object to any torture I put you through.”

Tommo gave his best attempt at an indifferent shrug which could have just as easily been the opening dance move to Cha Cha Slide.

“-lright then.”


End file.
